You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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