Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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