Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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