I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
