my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
