Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I take back everything I said about communal showers
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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