just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
