And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
