just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
