p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
