I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
