So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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