Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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