so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
