Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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