wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
