So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
