so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
