she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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