hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
