we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
