We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
