o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You ruined the universe
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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