I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
