I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so let's talk penis.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
