btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
