I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so explain again why im purple
no
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
