So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
