i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
