Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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