Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
