is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
