good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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