i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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