I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
