TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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