Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
