Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
