I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
