Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
