I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
