paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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