evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
