I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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