He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
