just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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