At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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