We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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