the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
