why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
