Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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