If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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